A tragic accident and 3 death. That is what happens when you do not treasure your life. A moment of stupidity and that is all it takes to kill.

It was the talk of the town this week as a reckless Ferrari was speeding in the wee hours, beating red lights along the way. It's luck ran out when it crash into a taxi. The driver of the speeding Ferrari was killed instantly and the cabby along with its passenger succumb to injuries later.

Such tragedy. It goes to illustrate how fragile life can be.

And I read that the cabby was hanging on to his dear life in hospital. Doctors pronounced him brain dead and informed his family to expect the worst. The wife reportedly was his bedside telling him to let go and not suffer in pain anymore. It was only then that he took his last breath....

I feel for this family. Particularly when somebody in the family, so loved by the rest is being forcefully taken away. Though Mum didn't tell us and I was nowhere near Dad in his last few minutes. I once overheard my mum telling my relatives that Dad didn't close his eyes until Mum told him he will take care of the family. So ya... I can totally relate to the cabby's family.

We all take risk. But when life is at risk, that is pure stupidity. It is particularly sad when a person like the Ferrari driver, so successful, lacks the intellect to understand stupidity. He murdered himself and 2 others, destroyed 3 families in the end. All because of?

Drive safe folks. Drive safe. Life is too precious to be risked in any way.

1. Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.  If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you.  You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot.  Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth.  And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.
2. Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on.  No, it won’t be easy.  There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them.  We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems.  That’s not how we’re made.  In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall.  Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time.  This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.
3. Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself.  Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves.  Read The Road Less Traveled.
4. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.  Yes, help others; but help yourself too.  If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
5. Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you likeeveryone else.  Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you.  Don’t change so people will like you.  Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.
6. Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.
7. Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing.  Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success.  You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.
8. Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us.  We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past.  But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future.  Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
9. Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive.  But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.
10. Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either.  You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else.  Read Stumbling on Happiness.
11. Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place.  Evaluate situations and take decisive action.  You cannot change what you refuse to confront.  Making progress involves risk.  Period!  You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.
12. Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises.  Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.
13. Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – Relationships must be chosen wisely.  It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company.  There’s no need to rush.  If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.
14. Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet.  Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you.  But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.
15. Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others are doing better than you.  Concentrate on beating your own records every day.  Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.
16. Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own.  Ask yourself this:  “What’s something I have that everyone wants?”
17. Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you.  You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough.  But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past.  You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation.  So smile!  Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.
18. Stop holding grudges. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart.  You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate.  Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.”  It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.”  Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself!  And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too.  If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.
19. Stop letting others bring you down to their level. – Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.
20. Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway.  Just do what you know in your heart is right.
21. Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break. – The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it.  If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.  Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.
22. Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things.  The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.
23. Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done.  Read Getting Things Done.
24. Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile.  Don’t take the easy way out.  Do something extraordinary.
25. Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while.  You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well.  You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears.  The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.
26. Stop blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life.  When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.
27. Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out.  But making one person smile CAN change the world.  Maybe not the whole world, but their world.  So narrow your focus.
28. Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy.  One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time?  Three years?  Five years?”  If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.
29. Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen.  Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story.  If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.
30. Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life.  Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs.  Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.

Perhaps I'm just too naive. I don't really guard against people and often believe people as they are.

The real world is cruel and cold blooded.

I gave the people around me equal among of trust, whether or not I just knew them or I have known them for ages. That.... is one of my biggest weakness. There folks are there who are able to see this and often take advantage of this.

And I guess, enough is enough. I have to stop being naive and start looking at people around me beyond their surface skin. Otherwise, I will always be on the loosing end. That is why nowadays I have this strong reaction against people who lie to me.

It is one of my pet peeve.

I have this strong anger within me whenever I found out that somebody is lying, especially so when it is my friends. For all the trust and faith that I have for friends, I get lies in return. That to me, is unacceptable.

Lying is a big issue with me. Like it or not. Once I found out somebody is lying to me, I will never be able to see this person eye to eye anymore. I just cannot stand the sight of a liar.

So take it from me, if you are reading this.

My latest project. Enjoy.

The frequency which I blog has come down tremendously. Partly because I have been troubled by the same sort of stuff of late and so it not quite worth writing those same stuff over and over again here. So...

I've moved on, my job that is.

When I got my performance appraisal last year, I have made up my mind to leave that place. It has come to a point whereby I simply cannot bring myself to face a superior like that anymore. I cannot find any motivation to continue to work for somebody who can be that unreasonable and naive.

It is like, what is the point? No matter what we do, even to the point following every single instruction from my boss, he is just no please with it. To put it bluntly, he is forcing me to leave.

It didn't take me long before I found myself another job. I took up the first offer that came in even though, a lot of people are questioning my decision. It is like exchanging something for something less glamourous.

I was working as an R&D engineer. The only thing that is glamourous is the title of the job. It stops there. There is nothing that I do day to day that is related to an R&D engineer. Yes, when I first joined the company, there was a fair bit of R&D stuff to do. But as the years goes by, poor business decision and office politics has lead the team (that I was in) into a downward spiral. There less development. Researches are slowly dying down and most of our time are spent managing projects. We don't develop our own products anymore but instead buy solutions from competitors to repackage and sell. Everyday, we are chasing all our vendors, managing timeline, doing slides for management to show to CEO.

My manager who leads the team often make poor decision that led us to doing double job even though the team has explained to him well before hand the potential pitfalls. Our suggestions often fell on deaf ear. Working on a project is extremely disappointing because we know the right thing that needs to be done but often being asked to do the wrong thing by our manager. It is extremely frustrating to work in such environment.

3 years there and I cannot see any progress being made. There is no reason to continue in that position anymore.

I'm working as a online technical support engineer. People call through the hotline and I have to try to solve their issues over the phone. Doesn't sound very glamourous isn't it? I do blame you. Even though the interview went on pretty smooth, at the back of my mind after the interview, my expectation is that the hiring company will most likely unable to match my current salary. R&D commands a higher salary here and is probably the top tier position in engineering, especially so when the Government has been trying to market Singapore as a R&D center.

When the offer came in from the hiring manager, I was, honestly, surprised. They didn't just match my existing salary package, they offered me something slightly higher. Not a lot more, but just slightly above what I'm getting now. After a few days of thinking, I told myself why not? Just try out this position for a year and I will how it goes.

It is almost coming to a month now on my new job. So far so good. Colleagues seems ok so far. My direct boss is much better person. The only challenge about this job is that I have to support China, Taiwan, Hong Kong and Inda. 90% of the calls that come in are most from China. Which means I have to speak in chinese. The technical terms is a killer. But I'm coping well so far. Thankfully....

Now, I just wanna concentrate on my new job and not get distracted by any other thoughts.

Emotionally, I'm very much exhausted. I need a break from all the shit that has happen for the few months. So ya... focus...

Felt that I have completely lost myself these days. Life has become so mundane that somehow it lacks a meaning. Perhaps I have taken too many blows that I have been knock out and down so badly without realizing it myself.

I'm thankful to have a lot of very caring friends around me who rally behind me whenever I'm down. Without these people I guess I wouldn't have come through all the downs so fast. But still, I am ashame of myself for too many times I have turned around and walked back the same path that brought about so much misery. My inability to let go. And because of this I have been letting my friends who want to see me get better, down.

The 3 years of persistence has come to nothing in the end. I can even say I was betrayed and lied to right till the very end. For all that I have given up, for all that I have done, for all that I have put up with, in the end, I got back lies and more lies.

I was too naive to believe that with sincerity, I can move people. I was too naive to believe that if I put my heart into something, eventually I will succeed. I was too naive to believe all that has been said and told when it was just lies. I am 31 this year and yet, I think like a child. Too naive.

Now I am back to where I have started before. A big circle. When people around me have move on. At times, it has come to a point where I hated myself for my stupidity. Despite being told repeatedly, despite being warned about, despite being advised.

I really have to learn this time. I cannot afford to waste anymore time on people who does not deserve my kindness. I need to stay away from people who sucked my away my laughter, sucked away my joy, sucked away love.

This entry is meant for you.

Once again, your erratics shows. A good month followed by another bad. A lot of questions in my mind whenever you start to give me the cold shoulder.

For a good month we have been meeting. You have been sharing with me your daily rants and I was more then glad to be around for you. You seem so much happier and seeing you smile so often really makes my day. Suddenly out of nowhere I was given the cold treatment from you. It seems like sunshine today and thunderstorm the next.

Just what exactly is wrong? How is it that your attitude towards me can change so fast? And the best thing is that when I try to find out why, I was given some lame reasons - you were tired and busy. You mean, you have become busy all of a sudden and tired all of a sudden? You didn't change job, neither does your routine. How is that you can become SOOOOO busy just like that. Or is that all of a sudden you find me an irritant? That I have been touchy at times with you and that you hate it? Why is it that it takes you a whole month to realise this? If I have been such irritant why did you agree to me almost on a daily basis? You would have rejected my request after a week right? But you didn't.

I have know you for 3 years. Chased you for 3 years. Been there for you for 3 years. And yet, I get the barest of respect from you even as friend. I certainly don't deserve that kind of shut-out treatment from you. At the very least, you could have spoken to me. I am terribly disappointed and upset. Despite all that I have done for you, I am being given this sort of treatment. Is it that you cannot stand people being nice to you? That you take for granted people who are genuinely concern about you? You have the most difficult attitude and yet I do my best to accommodate. Your sporadic deserve for Starbucks milk. Your ever temperamental gastric. Your ever changing mind.

Yes, you did not request for it. Yes I did it on my own accord. All of that is because I like you a lot. I have never feel so intense about a person before. Despite all those short coming of yours, I still look forward to seeing you every time. And when I see you smile, somehow your shortcomings gets forgotten.

I really hope you can talk to me instead of shutting up on me like that. It ain't helping your cause because by doing that you are only creating more questions in me and I will want to seek out the answers to those question. Trying to push me away by brute force will only reignite my desire to remain where I am.

For all that I have done for you, at the very least, I deserve the truth from you and not lies.

I love my job. But no the people who are running it. The only thing that the management cares about is the $$$.

Forget about the great technology. It does not matter how great the technological innovation is if it doesn't sells. That is the sad fact of Singapore.

R&D in Singapore? I think it will just fail like the pharmaceutical and life sciences.